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Pisses Me Off - English Language
2004-06-02 - 9:16 a.m.

A Thing That Pisses Me Off - First In A Series

Just a short rant today about The English Language, or more to the point, people that don't know how it works.

I get more than a little perturbed at people that can't speak or write their mother tongue, while they're the same jackasses that don't want to let any foreign persons into the United States if "they can't speak English". Ring ring. "Hello kettle? This is the pot."

Now, my use of the English language is far from perfect. And, although it rakes my nerves that most Americans end sentences with prepositions and don't know how to conjugate properly, that's not what bothers me most. The thing that really causes an aneurysm in my brain is when I receive emails from "superiors" at work that think:

1) Adding an apostrophe and an s to the end of any word makes it plural - book's, report's, story's - ACK!

2) "There" is a universal word to indicate location (there), possession (their), and the contraction of "they are" - OY!

3) When did people decide to stop using the word "too"? Why do I get emails that say that something might "take to long to accomplish" ? - SHEE!

4) Evidently the word "an" was dropped from the English language, and I didn't get the memo. I read about "a report" as often as I read about "a office". - NAAAAHK!

5) RE-READ YOUR DAMNED EMAIL! Am I supposed to invent the missing words in your message? I work in a building with a bunch of attorneys. You'd think that they would be the sort to realize that language missing from a document makes it open to an interpretation that just might not fit the original intent of the message. - JAJEEMAHA!

6) RUN A SPELL CHECK! It's part of the damned email program! How hard is it to run something that will double-check your ass-tastic spelling before you send an email that makes you look like an eedjit? If you think that you're projecting a professional image, but you can't spell "breef" properly, you just need to be pushed into a meat grinder.

Yes, a lot of the words at the end of the preceding sentences were complete inventions of my own. When I get aggravated I speak in tongues.

Why do we let people like this continue to walk around, get driver's licenses, run corporations, AND BREED?

There. I feel a little better. At least I will until I read my email.

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